Um... Detox What?!

The detox is going... um.... badly. Haha. OK, so when I don't blog I lose all my accountability and I'm totally vulnerable to very bad urges.

Day one went pretty well. I stayed away from carbs, stuck pretty close to the regiment, but I did stray a bit and had a few pieces of pasta with my meal that night. Oh, and I also had some off-limit spices on my veggies. That's not totally bad right? Oh yes, and by the end of the day I was already sick of cranberry juice.

Day two sucked. I was getting so hungry. Veggies just weren't enough. It was terrible. I never felt hunger pangs this bad. Hubby is a terrible influence and took me to a barbecue where I strayed yet again and had not one but two cheeseburgers. So I ate them without a bun, but still pretty bad.

Day three was a little worse. I actually went to work out to see how I would feel and I got so weak during training that I came home and strayed yet again.

So my conclusions so far:

• This detox is better as a guideline for me. I'm using it as more of a backdrop, and keeping the elements that I think are actually helping me. Mainly, I'm staying away from (most) carbs, dairy, and unnecessary sugars.
• I'm increasing the levels of protein and allowing myself to have a few carbs because I don't want to give up on my strength training and rigorous exercise routine, which is not actually not allowed until Phase 3 of this program.
• The program has, however, gotten me to increase my fluid intake substantially. I'm now drinking more than the 64oz of water advised per day.

OK so... sorry ladies I am kind of a failure with this! Hopefully all these little modifications will still let me lose a good amount of weight by the end of week 2. Hopefully we'll see!

I'm BACK! .. and detoxing.

So we were on vacation for the last week or so, and now we're finally back. Went to Idaho to visit family, and were extremely busy. Thank goodness we're back now though. It feels good to be home and in my own bed. Can't beat that.

I was SO bad during vacation. Ate pizza and all sorts of other really yummy bad stuff. Weird though because of how busy we were, I didn't gain an ounce. I don't know if I'll see it creep back up, but it was definately surprising to see that the scale didn't really move during that time.

Yesterday we did our shopping to refill our empty cabinets. I made a pretty good list and got almost everything to do my detox, which I will start tomorrow.

The plan is called the Fat Flush Diet, which includes three phases, the first of which is 2 weeks long and serves as the detox phase. The plan also includes a pretty good exercise portion, but most say that the super little calorie intake during Phase 1 means you should be extremely careful about rigorous exercise. I'm actually going to create a page about the parameters of the diet, which should be up and running by later today. I'm pretty excited about it, but we'll see how well I can do. I mean.. the spirit is willing, but the stomach is frugal, and vulnerable to temptation! Very, very, vulnerable.

Hot as Fudge and advice from Pamela Anderson

The Advice

OK so I have been having the worst time with cravings lately. I've been fantasizing about chocolate and cookies that I should really be on that show Intervention (about the drug addicts). It's pretty embarrassing. I'll stand in the candy isle and contemplate whether I'm strong enough to have just one. I know I'm not. I can admit that. So when I go home what do I do? I eat hot dogs, cheese, rolls, carbs. So I've started trying something that I heard Pamela Anderson say during an interview about how she deals with cravings: every time you have a craving, brush your teeth.

So smart! Everything tastes weird after you've brushed your teeth. And there's just something about that minty taste that makes you not want to eat anything else anymore. I'm pretty sure I heard something before about mint and cravings, but I'm not really interested in Googling about that right now. Any way, I just wanted to share. It's been working intermittently. Less at night, but during the day it's working wonders on my thunder thighs. Plus... I'll have a super white smile while I bring sexy back :)

So Wednesday... The day after I had my little confrontation with a bitchy lady at the gym: The night prior I was fantasizing about all the wonderfully hateful things I would say to her if she were to try to talk to me again. Maybe I would take the high road and just tattle-tell on her to the gym's corporate office... Or maybe I'd decide to go grade-school and make fun of her lesbian haircut, or how she's probably a crack-addict or something because she's missing teeth...I was so ready with my little army of insults... Too bad that it was record-breaking heat and I was too busy dealing with my fussy baby in a house with no AC that I barely had time to take a well-needed shower.

Thursday was worse. I actually drove around for hours doing needless errands because we have AC in the car. Record breaking heat again. The news said we haven't had heat like this on this day since 1953. Ridiculous. I remember we were freezing on the 4th.

Today was pretty good. Finally back on track. Hubby ended up going to the gym with me. To be honest I was glad he went. He's so much better at talking down to people than I am. Even though I may be a conniving little bitch in my head, it's actually very hard to push my buttons enough for me to totally blow my lid. Hubby on the other hand... has been kicked out of a few places because he doesn't back down. If he feels someone in his family has been mistreated, he'll trash talk until he's personally escorted off the premises. I was a little sad that we didn't have any confrontations.

My life really needs more action... Sorry for it being so anti-climactic. My little girl was just so happy to be in an air conditioned room that she slept the whole time she was at daycare when we were in the gym.So my husband and I are trying to live a more active lifestyle. Living in Washington, we get so much rain that we rarely got the chance to enjoy the outdoors. Today, instead of seeing a movie, we went for a walk around our Capitol Lake.


Oh! And the blog hop! Hop on the train.. choo choo!

Pissed.

I want to rip this lady's bitch's head off with a dull knife laced in lemon juice and salt. I'm so upset right now I don't even know what to say. I'm going to take a deap breath now. Woo-sha.

OK, so this is what happened. I went to take my spin class today. And from the get-go it felt like everything was against me. There's construction going on on the main road by our house, so it took me almost 15minutes to even get out of my own neighborhood. There was some crazy accident going on, so there was even more traffic from emergency vehicles trying to get through. On top of that there was just the normal 5PM traffic. So it was pretty terrible. I get to my class about 10 minutes late.

20 minutes later a lady comes in and tells me that my baby is crying. I ask what they've tried, and asked her if it's possible for her to try to feed her and then I'll be there in 10 minutes. She says fine and walks away. Great. I think it's resolved... right?

No. I get to the day care finally, and this is where I meet the person who I want to kill. She's holding my baby, who's crying like crazy, and she tells me she needs to talk to me. She proceeds to tell me how the people at the day care told me "multiple times" to come and get my child, and that I have a problem "coming on time," and that my "child is never quiet." And blah blah blah. First off... "multiple times"? Excuse me? I'm going to slit your throat lady, because your little minion only told me once. Second, I don't have a problem coming when we're called--sorry it takes 5 minutes for me to get off my machine (on the second floor), go to the locker room (on the first floor) and get my stuff, and then walk all the way over to the day care (on the other side of the building). Third, she doesn't usually have this problem. There are several women who take care of her there, and she's usually very good. Something is different about right now and your frustration and your stupidity that's making her cry.

So, defensive, I told her that her accusations are ridiculous, and I completely disagree. Tomorrow morning I will be contacting the gym again, and contacting her direct-line supervisor until I get a good reprimand. I'll teach that stupid bitch to mess with me. Never mess with a mommy. Never.

P.S. Baby is sleeping now. She has been since I picked her up from the day care. Cozy, cute, and wonderfully quiet.

So Yuck.

So I realize that it's been almost a week since I've written last. Because of this absence, I now know what it feels like to "fall off the wagon." I actually was doing pretty good until the Fourth.

Oh. My. God. I love elephant ears. Those big, deep fried, crispy bread things with tons of sugar all over them. I really was meaning to eat healthier. Even packed a banana and a protein bar. But yeah. Festival food is awesome. Also had a corn dog. It was great. I'm not going to lie. Failing never tasted so delicious.

Enough about food though--It was a pretty awesome day. The first time the baby's ever really been to a "festival." It's also the first time she's ever seen fireworks. She was so cute. She's always so fascinated with moving lights and stuff, so it was great to see her so engaged in it all.


This week has been decent so far. Yesterday was a great leg work out. I can tell because my leg muscles are being pretty bitchy today. Hopefully I can gather my energy and go to spin again today. Maybe....

Exhausted

I feel bad I don't have anything super fun to write about this time. Today was pretty much blah. Went grocery shopping and bought some fancy cleats to strap on to my indoor cycling shoes. I did do my class, and did Week 2 Day 2 of the C25K program. What a big hoo-rah, right? I'm thinking of excuses again as to why I shouldn't go to my personal training session tomorrow morning.

I wanted to thank everyone who's been supporting me so far. I'm new at this whole blogging/expressing my feelings/having internet companions thing, so please excuse my social networking awkwardness. The last year I've been pretty much a recluse because of the pregnancy (being bed-ridden 90% of the time) and I lost a lot of my friends and my life this way. Now that the baby is finally settling into a predictable schedule and I'm medically cleared to begin moving again, I've realize how totally disconnected I've been. It's weird to say, but it sometimes feels like I'm just socially off in some situations--like that person who appears normal but you just can't figure out why they're not exactly right?--like maybe one leg's shorter than the other, or they have a glass eye, or something like that... I hope that makes sense. I know I'm rambling.

I wonder how bad it is for my diet to have a slice of pepperjack cheese right before bed...

Ok... {/rant}

I decided to join the Fat to Fit Movement! Hopefully I can keep up with all the energetic ladies on there already...

A Nipple Slip and More...

So yesterday I went to my spin class again. I'm actually a little ashamed to say it was probably the most interesting class I've ever been to, and very eye-opening. Before I explain exactly what happened, let me just establish the setting:

So, there are three rows of spin bikes, and all of them face a mirror and the instructor. I was in the second row, and like everyone else, I don't just look in the mirror at my posture, I look around and see how everyone else is doing too. Some of the stuff you do during class looks/sounds kinda stupid, so I just want to make sure that I'm not the only one that looks like an idiot.

Anyway, there's this girl older lady, probably in her 60's, and she's wearing this really low cut, almost skin colored, V-neck, halter top thing with no bra and we just so happen to be doing "jumps", where you're constantly going from a sitting to a standing position on the bike. Well--I'm sure you could guess what happened next. One of her boobies fell out of her top and I guess she was just so focused she didn't really realize it. I was in instant shock, and the instructor--a slim, little older man--was trying his best to tell her to put her boob away. His little bald head was so red.

I looked around the room, and it was the strangest thing: Nobody else seemed to have noticed it. I couldn't be the only one witnessing this... I looked around for other shocked faces, but only met one other girl who seemed to confirm that I wasn't going crazy, and we really were looking at a straight up nipple. The next glance I had towards our senior exhibitionist--her breast was loosely tucked back in her shirt. Needless to say it totally threw off my breathing and my momentum, but I'm a little ashamed to say that it was totally worth it. Not in the sexual way, but in the "finally something interesting happens" kind of way.

Today was a decent work out. Just worked out arms and did 25 minutes or so on the elliptical. That area under my arm pits hurts. Told my trainer about the boob slip, and he wasn't as shocked as I thought he'd be. He was more interested in who's boob it was than the fact that there was a boob at all. I guess that's a man's mentality for you. Makes me wonder if he sees this kind of thing often. I'm not that much of a weirdo, but seeing a nipple when I shouldn't see one kinda makes me giggle. I wonder if people ever really grow out of laughing at this kind of stuff.

Tomorrow's another spin class. I secretly hope to see some boob--metaphorically speaking of course :) ;)

Week 2 & Recap

Last week went pretty great. Friday I convinced my husband to come to the gym with me. We worked out shoulders, chest, and back, and then did about an hour of cardio together. Afterwards, we played a little basketball. We both kinda suck (in my opinion :)), so that kind of made it more fun.

What's terrible about going to the gym though is that my daughter still needs to get used to strangers. For about 20min while we were there, we spent trying to calm the little one down. Between her teeth and the separation anxiety, I can say that I can expect to be called to take care of her probably about 90% of the time I work out. I love my baby to death, but sometimes I just don't know what to do...

We didn't end up working out on Saturday, as we wanted to spend more time together as a family. We actually ate pretty terribly, and I'm sure it set me back on my weight loss goal. On Sunday I went for my run, pushing baby along in her jogging stroller--probably a little more difficult than running on a treadmill empty handed.

Today was nice, except for the fact that I spent a third of my personal training time trying to calm down my crying baby. Worked legs and abs. Not a very bad work out.. Cardio felt good. Between doing the C25K and the interval training on the eliptical, I covered a little more than 4 miles.

Tomorrow's spin class. Bought some new shoes, so I'm hoping it works out pretty well. Can't wait to try them out :)

Half Way Through!

So today really reassured my decision to have a personal trainer. I must admit that I tried weight training by myself before this, and never have I really known how much I could push myself, and how many different ways I could exercise the same muscles. The motivation provided can't be replicated, and I know that I'm doing the right thing to get the results I want.

We worked the upper body today, utilizing free weights and a few machines in ways I've never done before. But it felt good. It didn't feel like I was stressing my muscles out too much, and the extra person there telling you to keep going is really reassuring. Right now that's what I need. I keep making excuses not to work out, and that's not right...

Tomorrow is another spin class and Week 2, Day One of the C25K plan. My legs hurt pretty bad, so I should probably rest them. I think we'll see tomorrow.

But right now.. I'm feeling good. Optomistic. Pumped.

Day "Number Two"

Today was pretty intersting... Last night my baby was being pretty cranky so I slept with her on the couch. I woke up to the smell of stink, having found that our 1+ year old dog took a nice, runny crap next to the sliding glass door. That's poop number two in the house within this last week. Oh, and he peed on the corner of my couch on the same corner where my daughter and I were sleeping. So.. needless to say I wanted to get started on cleaning right away. It was just a series of events that I kept building up in my head, giving myself excuses NOT to work out today...

Yesterday I hurt so bad from my tough leg workout with my trainer that I kept asking my husband (who is a certified Cross Fit Trainer), if he thought that I should still go to my spin class today. I love him to death for telling me to go, because if I hadn't I would've felt pretty bad. Good for him for not being an enabler :)

I guess it was good though, since about 5 minutes after I was on the bike, it actually started to feel pretty good on my legs. I made it through 45 minutes when someone from the day care came by and said that my baby was being unruly. I guess she wouldn't stop crying, so I had to get off my bike and get her. Determined to still get a good work out, I put her in her jogging stroller and went for a 30 minute run, completing my Couch to 5K workout and then some. I'm pretty proud of myself for that, actually.

So today's workout:

Cycling Class (45min)
Couch to 5K (20min)
Running / Walking (10min)

I am still struggling a bit with my diet, particularly carbs. The reason why is because I always look for "fast" food, like breakfast bars or frozen waffles. I think I'm going to try to make more salads. I think when I have a little more time this week, I'm going to put salads (without dressing) in tupperware, so that way all I need to do is just grab it and add dressing. Maybe that'll help.. Ah, well, I guess I just feel optimistic right now :)

Tomorrow's another day with the personal trainer. At least it's not my legs anymore. Mmm.. the smell of Icy Hot.

Before and After.. a little different

Before having my baby, I never really had a huge weight problem. I was always in an area where I felt comfortable, though I always felt that I could probably do better. I could be better. Though my weight was never really an issue, my self-concept was never on the up-and-up. With that said, today was the first day I had officially dedicated myself to losing weight.

I took pictures. As painful as it is for me to expose these to people... I know that facing my insecurities is a major factor in my motivation. So I'm going to do something a little different. I'm going to post a picture of me before my pregnancy, and then after... I know most people's before and after is (larger weight vs smaller weight), but I'm hoping that exposing these images will fuel my ambition:

Before (June 2009) - Approx. 105 lbs and a few weeks pregnant

After (June 2010) - Exactly 130lbs

I know it seems as if my weight loss isn't that "extreme," but anyone who chooses to embark on this journey knows that this is not an easy task, no matter what the number. It disgusts me to see myself this way.

Please don't get me wrong and think that I'm the type of person who dwells on this. Though I hate my weight and what it's done to my esteem, I still love my life and my family. I am grateful for the things I do have. I just wish I had a little less of the stuff around my middle, thighs, arms, calves, neck.....

The Pledge

My baby was born near the end of February. The pregnancy was tough on my little body, and because of complications, my activity level was severely limited. Though I gained the most precious, sacred thing I could ever live to know, I also lost a lot of myself.

Being a new mother comes with a catalog of new experiences, frustrations, demands... My daughter consumes my life, and though I love her with every breath of my soul, I know that with my new parental responsibilities, I've forgotten who I really am. This lack of identity causes so much anxiety that I know it hinders the intimacy between my husband and me. He suffers because I hate my body and I don't know the person that I'm supposed to be. I quit my job to be at home with our infant; I've started going back to college; and I'm the heaviest I've ever been. In addition, we have the added challenge of raising our child in a multi-racial and multi-faith home. Everything is new and the adjustments I've needed to make--and still need to make--are difficult to say the least. There are times when I want to just break down.

Before, I was adventurous. I loved being outdoors and experiencing the world. I had so much energy, spunk, vivacity, and I want that back. I want to rediscover myself. I want to love my life and want to share that confidence with my little girl.

I'm writing this because I think that somehow it will make this more real. I will be held more accountable for my actions if I just write it down. Also, I want to say I am confident in myself, and I want everyone to know that losing weight is entirely possible. Anyone can do it.

This is my pledge:

• I want to lose 30lbs.
• I want to be able to run a 5K by September.
• I want to be able to run our household without feeling bogged down or tired.
• I want to eat healthier.
• I want to raise my child in an active home.
• I want my self-confidence back.

How am I going to do this?

I joined a gym. This is something anyone can do, and prices are fairly reasonable for the average person. There are daycare services available, which is great for moms. I also am utilizing a personal trainer. I want to work out 5-6 days a week, working on my cardio and strength training.

I am going to try to make more meals at home, and I'm utilizing online cookbooks for healthier meal options that can be made fairly quickly.

For my 5K goal, I am actually going to test-drive the app called "Couch to 5K" (C25K) available on both I-Tunes and the Android Market. This is a 9 week program, which is just enough time for the 5K I want to run in September: The Warrior Dash.

I actually pledged my weight loss goal to the Pound for Pound Challenge.

I've also joined a few local mom's groups on Meetup to help get my child started in an active, social environment.

I am going to consistently track my progress on here. I'm hoping that my posts will not only help me feel more accountable, but will also motivate others to pursue a healthy, balanced lifestyle.